be multi-select?
--
smart, pretty, sane. pick two - georgeha

I checked the first two sentences in each story and it contained the fewest errors.

PMSbuddy.com -- Saving relationships, one month at a time!

Hard-boiled crime originally sounded like a great idea for a WFC, but I think it's a lot more fun to read than it is to write. Maybe that's just me. Maybe 2500 words is not enough to hard-boil the crime. Still, not to diss the theme -- the fact that not everyone went the hard-boiled route made for more variety among the entries, which is always cool.

• Wheel Man Hunter would have made a mediocre journalist; the story has the Who, When, and Where but is missing a lot of What, How, and Why. I can't decide if it's a clever subversion of the crime genre or, er, the other thing.
• Bird Lack of details in the beginning (pronouns instead of people) made it hard for me to figure out who the protagonist and antagonist were at first. By the time I got a grip on the sitch I was expecting the ending to really seal it, but instead the twist lost me.
• Dream Dagger Was just getting interesting, then it ends. Great tone; a fine setup that's missing the actual story.
• My Last Day Alive I liked this one; even though it gives away its ending, the journey is satisfying. It's neatly executed (no pun intended -- wrong WFC), but not too neat.
• Snake Eyes Most hard-boiled, with all the classic elements except, perhaps, the crime. Has some fun turns of phrase, a logical gap or two, and an odd obsession with furniture.
• Country Manners This was the only story that gave me a real, visceral shock. (I realize most of the other stories were not going for that effect.) Not hard-boiled, but its atmosphere is thick with crime and the story has its own, distinct voice.

Props to everyone brave enough to submit something. Thanks, as always, to 2 plus 3 equals 5 for coordinating, and to notafurry for the technical enablement.

--
"Late to the party" is the new "ahead of the curve" -- CRwM

Wheel Man - I thought this was well done. But I wanted him to screw her, to have him drop her off for the crime, and drive away, leaving her for the cops.

Bird - Maltese Falcon fan fiction? Oh, please. Maybe it works by the rules of fan fiction, but as a stand-alone story? Not so much.

Dream Dagger - What kellnerin said, except it could have least been read over, since in the beginning he says he didn't know why he took it, and when he takes it, he knows. Or maybe the writer is establishing the character as an unreliable narrator. Or maybe I'm giving too much credit.

My Last Day Alive - Well, since I started to write reviews, I guess I have to go back and read it. Okay, I read it. I was expecting not to like it, starting with the opening that made me think Seen American Beauty lately? I'm only on my second coffee, so I didn't expect the ending. I liked it, but in a passive sort of way.

Snake Eyes - Um. Okay. I haven't had enough coffee to follow this.

Country Manners - Because I have to criticize, I will say that I generally don't like dialect stories. However, "Shush. Grown-ups talking." That has now entered my lexicon, and I can't wait to pull it out at work.


-- Do the math.

Wheel Man. Spring is under construction.

Bird. I watched this for the first time a month or so ago. I know the ending is deliberately in period / out of genre in a way that perhaps the UFOs in Man Who Wasn't There is; but it still jarred. Dialogue before that was on target though.

Dream Dagger. Damn it's hard to do short well. Honed.

Last day. Clean. I saw it coming, but I didn't mind.

Snake eyes. Perhaps I should say, ... love that line ... Perhaps I should say, my head hurts. Are we on another time travel run here? Because I didn't pick up any cues.

Country manners. I've always thought of Chinamen's names as fairly short ... "'twere nestled under the blubber of his man tit". Like the ending.

And two plus three, whine, I would have whine finished if you'd whine given me another whine week or whine ...

_{The Political Science Department of the University of Woolloomooloo}

Well, there's some interesting stuff here.

• Wheel Man: Interesting situation, interesting setup. Not quite sure who all the characters are, notably the woman in the hotel room.

• Bird: Nice enough, in its way.

• Dream Dagger: oookay then.

• My Last Day Alive: I saw the twist of the knife coming miles away. it's right out of The Sting. And why is there an A with a circumflex over it between every paragraph?

• Snake Eyes: OK, some nice turns of phrase, but the plot is way too convoluted. Could use some turn-over tillage.

• Country Manners: Best in show, hands down. Makes you want to wash your hands, just reading about Oslander.

"And this ... is a piece of Synergy." --Kellnerin

but the story i STARTED has promise so i'm going to finish it some time

now, I've just read them. i think wheel man is best, the rhythm was good it flowed well and that matters above all else , to me. but i don't have anything against the others, everybody who entered seems competent at putting words together.